My friend
Marjo recently posted an article that reminded me of the growing anxiety younger people have about marriage... or perhaps about relationships in general.
It's not a new outlook. I suspect many of us at some time watching our parents interaction may have wondered at a relationship that had, to our youthful eyes, dwindled to short quiet conversations. "How boring can you get?", we thought. What must at one time have been excitement, passion, and brilliant conversation, now had been reduced to this "role playing", the day to day humdrum.
In the world today of instant gratification and turnkey entertainment, I suppose it's understandable. Everything is disposable, and if it's boring, replace it with something that isn't.
Is everything really replaceable, or should we look a little harder at out perceptions?
In any long-term relationship there can be periods of boredom, just as there can be at any point in a persons life. What is missing in that view however is that there is also a "shared history"... shared only with that person and no one else. You experience this whenever you get together with old friends from High school, or lifelong friends from childhood.
This history between you creates a sort of bond. Sitting across the table from an aging friend you don't see the wrinkles so much... you see that person you grew up with... the person you ditched school with to play hooky on the beach... the person who was there for you when you had your heart broken by William or Patty Sue... or the person who was there when your first child was born.
Perhaps that's what is needed more than anything in a relationship. Chemistry of course, attraction... but more than anything, friendship.
Ask anyone who has lost a wife or a husband. Is it the sex or the excitement or the stimulating conversation the person brought to their lives they miss... or the friendship and the memories they shared together?
Chemistry can change over the years, and physical attraction may change with age... true friendship will always be there. Friendship isn't a "role" we play, but something we share with the people we care about.
Sure, life can be boring, but I'd much rather spend it with a friend I can depend on.
DB
