Enjoy the Pages of Your Life

We're Outta Here !!

2005-03-21T02:34:00.000-10:00

We're outta here and headed for a more reliable service.

Bitchitude and I have now moved our Blogs from Blogger to our own server at:

Enjoy The Pages of Your Life
BitchiTude
Corporate Crap and Other Dubious Wisdom

Please remember to Update your bookmarks and Blogroll.

DB

Friendship

2005-03-20T20:46:00.000-10:00

My friend Marjo recently posted an article that reminded me of the growing anxiety younger people have about marriage... or perhaps about relationships in general.

It's not a new outlook. I suspect many of us at some time watching our parents interaction may have wondered at a relationship that had, to our youthful eyes, dwindled to short quiet conversations. "How boring can you get?", we thought. What must at one time have been excitement, passion, and brilliant conversation, now had been reduced to this "role playing", the day to day humdrum.

In the world today of instant gratification and turnkey entertainment, I suppose it's understandable. Everything is disposable, and if it's boring, replace it with something that isn't.

Is everything really replaceable, or should we look a little harder at out perceptions?

In any long-term relationship there can be periods of boredom, just as there can be at any point in a persons life. What is missing in that view however is that there is also a "shared history"... shared only with that person and no one else. You experience this whenever you get together with old friends from High school, or lifelong friends from childhood.

This history between you creates a sort of bond. Sitting across the table from an aging friend you don't see the wrinkles so much... you see that person you grew up with... the person you ditched school with to play hooky on the beach... the person who was there for you when you had your heart broken by William or Patty Sue... or the person who was there when your first child was born.

Perhaps that's what is needed more than anything in a relationship. Chemistry of course, attraction... but more than anything, friendship.

Ask anyone who has lost a wife or a husband. Is it the sex or the excitement or the stimulating conversation the person brought to their lives they miss... or the friendship and the memories they shared together?

Chemistry can change over the years, and physical attraction may change with age... true friendship will always be there. Friendship isn't a "role" we play, but something we share with the people we care about.

Sure, life can be boring, but I'd much rather spend it with a friend I can depend on.

DB

Moving Some Stuff

2005-03-16T11:36:00.000-10:00

Hi Everyone!!

Since we've been having some problems with Blogger lately, Bitchitude and I have moved a couple of our blogs to a new location.

aka Glasshoppah
and
Corporate Crap

Please come and visit our new sites:)

DB

Does Fate Exist?

2005-03-04T14:40:00.000-10:00

Since I've been taking a course in Philosophy, I thought I'd share a couple of interesting dilemmas with you.

Please remember that these are meant to be an exercise in logic, not either an endorsement or a condemnation of religion or faith.

1. If God exists, and God is all powerful, all knowing, etc.; could God create a rock too large for God to move? The contradiction of course being that, since God is all powerful, He could move anything and create anything, so He could also create something even He couldn't move...but if He is all powerful, that also means He can also move anything, so how could He create something He couldn't move?

My answer:

If I asked you to carry water across the street, and handed you a one gallon jug, and a fifty gallon can, which would you choose to use? You could certainly use the fifty gallon can, but then you couldn't move it across the street, so why would you create something you can't move?

2. There are people who believe in Fate, or Destiny. That is to say, that they believe that everything they do is the result of an "unknown" force, or that everything we do in our lives is "pre-written." "It's just my Fate, my Destiny that bad things (or Good things)happen to me."

Does Fate exist?

My Answer:

If Fate exists, then that means that literally everything is subject to Fate. In other words, everything is pre-written from the time we are born. Since Fate is what it is, Fate would also have existed literally forever, and for everyone... including God. Everything God has done would have also been pre-written, and would have no Free-Will of His own.

By definition, God is THE creator, and all powerful. To believe that God would create something which could, or would have any power over Himself is in itself a violation of the definition of God. Therefore Fate cannot exist if God exists.

It is logical to assume that everything has been created from something. Whether it's the so-called "Big Bang", or an instantaneous creation of the universe, nothing comes from nothing.

If Fate is this powerful force controlling us, where did it come from? Without a "Higher Power" (or God) to have created it, it cannot exist. Therefore, if God does NOT exist, Fate ALSO cannot exist.

Conclusion... Fate or Destiny cannot exist, so I guess we'll just have to struggle through life without blaming all our ills on anything but ourselves.

What do YOU think?

DB

Do You Enjoy Your Life?

2005-02-27T19:36:00.000-10:00

Things to ponder: (You can leave comments if you like, and they will be welcome, but this isn't for me... it's for you to ponder)

1. Are you working in a job you hate, for a company you can't stand, and for less money then you're worth?

2. Do you feel you are living to work... or working to live?

3. When was the last time you took a vacation?

4. Do you have anything besides work, ie. hobbies, sports, activities that you do on the weekends?

5. If you have a family... are you able to spend enough time with your spouse and/or children?

6. If you had it to do over again... would you be a better person?

7. If you're in a relationship... are you happy with the relationship?

8. Are you happy with your educational level?

9. If you're religious, and believe in an afterlife... are you afraid of dying?

10.If you are not religious, and do not believe in an afterlife... are you afraid of dying?

11.Do you believe you are making the most of your life?

12.Are you doing anything about any of the above?

13.What are you waiting for?

Enjoy the Pages of Your Life... it's the only time you'll ever get to read them.

DB

Are You Being Bullied At Work?

2005-02-17T12:36:00.000-10:00

At one point or another in an employees life we run into a person in our workplace who could be defined as a "bully". This person, usually a well established member of the company, rules the company with an iron fist. Much like the playground bully, however this bully takes their craft to a whole new level.

You might be surprised to learn that a workplace bully is rarely the owner or Executive level staff member, nor do their activities normally include physical intimidation. The methods they use are much more sophisticated and much more difficult to determine.

Although the underlying motive for bullying in the workplace may be some sort of discrimination, bullies are extremely careful to avoid any possible accusations of discrimination. They have successfully practiced their craft over many years and have learned over time that getting busted for discrimination would bring a sudden halt to their activities. Since the basic underlying reason for their bullying is a need for power and control, the workplace is a perfect place to ply their trade.

More and more states are now recognizing and considering legislation to address the problem.

If you are or have experienced any of the following, you may be being bullied:
"
* you attempt the obviously impossible task of doing a new job without training or time to learn new skills but that work is never good enough for the boss

* surprise meetings are called by your boss with no results other than further humiliation

* everything your tormenter does to you is arbitrary and capricious, working a personal agenda that undermines the employer's legitimate business interests

* others at work have been told to stop working, talking or socializing with you

* you constantly feel agitated and anxious, experiencing a sense of doom, waiting for bad things to happen

* no matter what you do, you are never left alone to do your job without interference

* people feel justified screaming or yelling at you in front of others, but you are punished if you scream back

* HR tells you that your harassment isn't illegal, that you have to "work it out between yourselves"

* you finally, firmly confront your tormentor to stop the abusive conduct, you are accused of harassment

* you are shocked when accused of incompetence despite a history of objective excellence, typically by someone who cannot do your job

* everyone -- co-workers, senior bosses, HR -- agrees (in person and orally) that your tormentor is a jerk, but there is nothing they will do about it (and deny saying what they said later when asked to support you)

* your request to transfer to an open position under another boss is mysteriously denied

[Gary Namie, Ph.D., http://www.bullybusters.org/]"

For more information : http://www.bullybusters.org/

DB

Personal Ethics

2005-02-09T10:18:00.000-10:00

This is in response to a blog on News & Views from Philadelphia about Bill Cosby.

You're bringing up a classical type ethical dilemma Marjo.

On the one hand we have a man like Cos who has helped countless people both in and outside the Black Community. On the other we have people we don't "know" at all accusing them.

In addition:
If guilty, does that take all the good Cos has done away? I don't think so, the good that was accomplished would still stand as him having accomplished good. Good in and of itself, no matter who accomplishes it, is still good.

Should we really pre-judge people on the basis of an accusation, no matter who they are, or should we truly judge them on the basis of solid evidence?

In any case, whatever harm Cos has been accused of, although he will harm my view of him personally if guilty, it would really be up to his family and his accusers to either forgive or punish him in this case. Punishing someone further in the "Court of Public Opinion" just because they are a celebrity somehow doesn't seem either fair or just.

Does the very real good people accomplish in their lives get outweighed by either real or implied "bad" they may have done? Do we really have the right to condemn and punish a historically good person who may have commited a crime or indiscretion and affected us only "indirectly", or shouldn't we leave that to the people they may have harmed more directly?

In my opinion it's good to focus on the behavior we allow in our society, not on the individual. In this case I would definately give Bill Cosby the benefit of the doubt.

What do you think?

DB

No One's Child

2005-02-01T09:55:00.000-10:00

With Valentives Day right around the corner, love is in the air. There are those in our own country who aren't feeling much love right now. The sad thing is that they are our own children... children of America.

I guess it's easy sometimes to get all caught up in our own lives and forget that there are those less fortunate. Sure, who wants to be depressed by thinking about other peoples problems?

Wandering around the Blog sites the other day I happened to stop and read one of those I had bypassed several times for whatever reason. I was certainly glad I had taken the time. "No One's Child" is a very well written story about an abused child growing up... right here in our country.

While we're out saving the world it might be well to remember that we have our own issues, our own children who need us. Let's give our kids the gift of love on Valentines Day this year.

DB

Ask The Right Questions

2005-01-29T14:50:00.000-10:00

While scanning through my Economics book the other day for a class, I discovered a line that has stuck in my mind since.

"...almost all economists believe that rent control adversely affects the availability and quality of housing and is a very costly way of helping the most needy members of society. Nonetheless, many city governments choose to ignore the advice of economists and place ceilings on the rents that landlords may charge their tenants."[N. Gregory Mankiw, "Principles of Economics", 2004]

On a quickly scanned run-through you might be tempted to exclaim "Ah ha! Finally, someone to blame for the plight of the homeless and the high cost of housing -- It's those damned Economists!" No, unfortunately we haven't found our scapegoat quite yet.

There are several factors at work here we might think about:

Economics is the study of how society manages its scarce resources.
The prime motivator or driver in an economy is the Marketplace.
For those of you just joining, that would be -- Corporate America.

That said; let's look back at my quote for a minute. If we look at the answer we can work back towards what the question must have been. That seems to have been clearly "What affect would rent control have on the economy?" The economists then after developing the appropriate model and extrapolating the results came up with the statement. Apparently a resounding thumbs down.

The interesting thing about economists, or for that matter any scientist, is that when presented with a problem they will look at every nuance, ramification, and permutation until they develop a reasonable solution. If we ask an atomic physicist how many grams of plutonium it would take to blow a half-mile crater in the moon, they might study gravity, composition of the moon, temperature, etc., and come up with the number of grams. Economists would have gone through the same thought process in answering the above economic question. They are focusing on a reasonable answer to your specific question.

It occurred to me that with all the brain and think tanks we have around the world, perhaps solving the plight of the homeless shouldn't be such a heavy task. Maybe the problem is that we as a society just aren't asking the right questions of our scientists.

If we presented our physicist with a half mile crater and ask him what it would have taken to put it there, he probably would have given us all the other factors in addition to the number of grams of plutonium.

What if we asked our economist what we would need to do economically to solve the homeless problem?

Just some food for thought.

DB

Circle This!

2005-01-23T23:09:00.000-10:00

All in all, I'm a pretty simple guy. I eat, sleep, work and play when I have the time. One of my favorite things to do that never takes much time is people watching.

People watching has to be one of life's simple pleasures. The great thing about it is you can do it anywhere there are people.

If you've ever watched people on the phone I'm sure you'll appreciate this:

Several years ago while talking to my girlfriend on the phone I began to notice her frustration a few times at trying to get a point across to me. Wasn't a big thing, just that it took a few more explanations until we were on the same page. It wasn't until she moved in with me that I finally understood the problem.

I had set up office space for each of us in my house with our desks only a few feet apart. While working one day I caught movement out of the corner of my eye and turned towards her. Talking to a friend on the phone she was flailing her arms wildly and pointing at her computer monitor as if the person on the phone could see her. Aha! Immediately it came to me that this was why we had previously had problems and I burst out laughing, interrupting her conversation. "But it's all right here" she says pointing at the screen and precipitating yet another round of laughter. Luckily she was talking to a mutual friend on the phone, and once I explained we all had a good laugh.

Although I have written about the funny things customers have done in the past, be certain that it isn't only the end users that frequently bring on the smiles. We IT people are also a great source of amusement. One of my favorites happened while my company was coming to the rescue of a website in need of some design help.

An old customer called us one day in a panic because he had contracted an "offshore" design company to save money. Not necessarily a bad thing, however unfortunately his design required a large amount of verbiage. The problem was that while they could speak fairly good English their writing skills left something to be desired.

Once we calmed him down and started to look at the pages for errors it didn't seem too bad. They had reversed terms occasionally, incorrect word usage, etc. My partner decided she would tackle the editing while I returned to working on another interrupted project I had been working on.

Nearly jumping out of my chair an hour or so later at her outburst, I turned to find her with tears of laughter rolling down her cheeks. Several minutes later, while she is pointing at her screen and giggling incoherently, I was able to see what the laughter was all about.

On the screen was a pretty standard input form labeled appropriately:

Enter Your First and Last Name:
Enter Your Address:
Circle Your City:
Your State:
Choose Zip Code:
Etc.

I went down the list not really understanding until the second time around. Circle Your City? Unless people had a touch screen or were prepared to get in the car and circle the city until the box changed there was a problem. For several weeks afterwards the favorite epithet in the office was "Circle This!"

You can create your own buttons like the one above by clicking the image.

Enjoy,

DB

Another Disaster Narrowly Averted

2005-01-19T01:55:00.000-10:00

Back in the days when I was a service tech, there were few male secretaries. It was not considered unusual at the time, although now of course it seems somewhat sexist. The fact that most of my stories are about situations involving women are more a reflection of those times than my intent to in any way detract from the very high esteem I place on women in general.

That said, I do have another humorous situation that actually happened to me years ago that I'll share with you.

While working for a small office machine repair company in Colorado, I received a frantic call from a customer. During her first day on the job in the hospital working for the hospital Administrator, her boss had handed her a rush job and her keyboard was throwing in extra spaces so fast she couldn't erase them and get her document completed.

Ever willing to go to the aid of a customer in need, I jumped in my car and sped towards the hospital.

On my arrival to the Administrators office, I was greeted by a rather short young lady... with breasts so large I wondered why she wasn't overbalancing and falling on her face. All business, I asked her to please sit down and demonstrate the problem for me so I could be certain and make the proper repair, which she did.

Many of you can probably already tell where this is going. The little lady had such large breasts that she could barely reach the keyboard without her breasts touching it. I'm sorry, but for a polite southern boy to tell a woman she had too large breasts to be able to type effectively was simply beyond me. Probably would have gotten me at the very least slapped.

What would you have done to avoid the appearance of sexual advances and/or harrassment?

My choice was fairly simple. "Ahhh... yes, I think I know exactly what the problem is." I said "Why don't you go and grab a cup of coffee, relax for a few minutes, and I'll have this fixed before you get back."

With that I opened my toolkit and began to rummage around in it for an imaginary tool, waiting for her to leave the room.

As soon as she was out of sight, I knelt down and raised her chair about three inches. I then brushed and cleaned the machine and was just finishing up as she returned with her coffee.

I then asked her to please check and be certain the problem was repaired. A tense look on her face, she carefully placed paper and began to type. Her tense look turned to amazement as she continued down the page. "Wow!" she exclaimed "How did you do that so fast? It even feels better now too! Did you change the touch or something?" (Touch? I did NOT want to go there again) "Oh, I just made some adjustments, should be ok now" I replied with a smile.

During the entire several years we kept that contract, the hospital not only renewed year after year, but continued to add more and more machines.

Which just goes to show you... bigger is NOT always better, and a little tact goes a long ways.

DB

A Little Technical Humor... The Secretary

2005-01-14T20:44:00.000-10:00

Information Technology, or IT can be a very stressful environment, but there are times when it's just down right funny.

Since I spent a couple of decades in the technical world, I thought I'd share a humorous story with you that happened years ago, but still brings a smile:

Early in my career I learned that, where customers are concerned, sometimes no matter what you do it's gonna be wrong, but not doing ANYTHING is sometimes worse. So....

More years ago than I want to remember, I worked for Savin in their early development stages. At that time they were just breaking into the copier business and also marketed an early attempt at a word processor called the Savin 900 WordMaster... basically a tape drive unit the size of todays CPUs that used an IBM Selectric typewriter (yeah, the typewriter with the little ball on it that sat and spun) as the input or keyboard device.

A couple of months after returning from an eight week course learning how to repair the WordMaster, I was just beginning to feel comfortable and confident in my abilities as a Service Technician.

After routinely picking up my call slips from the Help desk I noticed a business I didn't recognize and asked around for any additional information that might help me handle the call. I wasn't thrilled to discover that the call history showed dozens of calls for this customer who happened to be an Executive Secretary for a prestigious legal firm downtown.

Upon arriving at the law firm, I was asked to wait for 30 minutes, tool case in hand while the Secretary finished a document she must have re-written four or five times cursing like a sailor all the while. The problem? Obviously the damned keys were sticking and just couldn't keep up with her, her boss wanted this document an hour ago, and it was the DAMNED MACHINE's FAULT he wasn't gonna get it!

No big deal, keyboards do stick, maybe it's dirty or needs oil I'm thinking. With THE SECRETARY hovering over me like I was gonna steal her life's work I ran test after test on the typewriter. Ran through the keyboard at least a dozen times, lubed every nook and crany at least twice, and removed every speck of dust I could find. I was sure I had taken care of the problem. So I asked her to please test it for me to be certain.

I'd never seen a woman flop down in a secretarial chair regally, but I swear this woman attempted it. In a huff she crammed a sheet of paper in and began typing. She didn't even make it halfway through the quick brown fox before "See!" "See!" she damanded. "See what I mean?" I was standing there dumbstruck for two reasons: One, I had just done everything but spread Vaseline on the keys to make them slide. Two, I've never quite understood how people could ask you to "see" something they were feeling... you know "touching".

Once again she jumps from her chair and demands "Just fix the damned thing or bring me a new one!" Oh, I forgot to mention... this was her fourth new unit in three months.

Twice more I tried, and twice more I failed. Each time she claimed it was a different key. You know, like a pain you can't locate.

Since I had personally tested the machine each and every time and found no evidence whatever that any key either was or ever had stuck, it became apparent that I was fighting a losing battle. She wanted something done, and whatever I was doing wasn't it.

I decided on a last ditch effort, she was used to making technicans and lesser beings cringe and I was damned if I was gonna be one more slinking out her door! Calmly "You know" I said, "Sometimes we just have to adjust each machine for the operator. They come from the factory adjusted for the average typist, and not every technician knows how to make advanced adjustments for an above average premier typist like yourself." The look of disdain she had held on her face from the time I entered the office slowly turned to one of nodding and a slow smile of appreciation.

Unfortunately, there was NO touch adjustment on the IBM Selectric, a fact which I was of course well aware. Grabbing the biggest and longest screwdriver I had in my toolkit, about twelve inches long and as big around as her little finger, I said "Please, sit down and lets see if we can adjust this thing once and for all!".

Taking the huge screwdriver, I carefully placed it between the case and the working mechanisms, holding the handle with one hand and holding it in place with the other hand. In other words, I was holding it against the inside of the case but was turning nothing but air.

"How's that?" I asked.
"Hmmmm... a little better I think!" was her reply.
Straight faced and seriously I turned just a little more air... "How about now?"
"Oh my Gosh!" she exclaimed "I think it's perfect now!"
I'm thinking she's just trying to lull me into a false sense of security, but no. I have her verify it several times and she's happy! A couple of dozen calls by my company, and several brand new machines later, this customer is finally happy!

I didn't get two blocks from her office when I had to pull my car over because I was laughing so hard. Not so much because I had to some extent "put one over" on her, but more because of the long list of other techs who had fled in terror from her simply because they couldn't find anything wrong.

I returned to the office to a round of applause from the service department. The Executive Secretary had called raving about what a wonderful tech I was, and wanted to know why they didn't train the rest of them like me, lol I felt really guilty about laughing....NOT!

Other than a hand written thank you note attached to her renewal contract a couple of months later, we never got another call from THE SECRETARY.

DB

A Brave Little Ten Year Old

2005-01-13T02:07:00.000-10:00

A few years ago while driving down a long curved road in Colorado in the winter, I rounded a curve to find a deer standing in the middle of the road. I was driving to no place in particular, just driving I guess to get my mind off of losing someone I loved.

All the things that go through your brain at a time like that went through mine. It was slick and icy, there was a car coming towards me with at least two people in it, the deer was in the middle of my lane, and there was a guard rail to my right. I chose the rail.

It turns out that there was a dropoff on the other side of the rail, which my SUV politely flipped over. The car tumbled, rolled I think, and finally came to rest on its top. That was about all I could remember, but they told me later that I had somehow climbed out of the car before anyone else could get there and collapsed on the way up to the road.

The next thing I could remember was a womans face looking down at me, a woman with long brown hair. She was asking if I was alright and touching my face. I was told later that she, her husband, and their son had been in the car approaching me when I swerved. While she tried in whatever way she could to comfort me her husband was on the phone calling an ambulance.

During the next several days I came to know Sarah, her husband David, their son Daran, and daughter Amanda while I recovered from a partial concussion, several broken ribs, and various contusions. They had been driving up from another city because Daran needed a bone marrow transplant and the hospital thought they may have found a good donor for him. A pretty scary operation for a little ten year old who had already been through so much.

Sarah and David came to visit me frequently in ICU between testing on their son and running back and forth to the hotel where they were staying. Once I was taken out of ICU I was moved to a room just around the corner from where they had put Daran so they would stop by and keep me company.

At the time I had belonged to an online forum for several months made up of others who had lost loved ones. My Forum ID then was Eagle and by then I had several online friends I knew would be concerned about me, but although David has managed to rescue my laptop from the car I just couldn't seem to concentrate long enough with the pain and the drugs to let them know what happened.

Daran did have his operation and after several days they were able to return home promising they would keep in touch. Several months later I was going through a routine cleaning of the files on my computer and found a letter Sarah had posted on the bulletin board on my behalf:

"Hello,

My name is Sarah, and David has made me promise that I will give you an update on your friend “Eagle”. He put the laptop in my hands, gave me explicit instructions, now he’s running out the door. This website is a funny place; it seems to me, for someone like “Eagle”, but I guess sometimes things happen.

Eagle is asleep now, so he’s not watching me. I need to tell you something about your friend.

First, let me explain. My husband and I brought our 10-year-old son up from Trinidad, Colorado, a couple of days ago because they have specialists here that we do not have in Trinidad. David made me promise not to tell you where “here” is because Eagle doesn’t want anyone to know. I’m not sure why, or why I am not supposed to use his real name, but I will respect his wishes.

In any case, when they told us last night that my son would have to have surgery this morning, we were all very upset. Those of you who are mothers will understand. My son was very frightened and upset, and so were we. My husband had to go back to the Hotel we are staying with my daughter, and the hospital allowed me to stay here with my son.

I finally got my son to sleep around 11:00PM last night and I think I dozed off shortly afterwards. I woke up again around 3:00AM and the nurses were helping Eagle back into bed. They told me that they had found him sitting on the edge of my son’s bed holding his hand. I’ve spoken to him before, and I know he’s a good man so I wasn’t concerned.

When my son woke up this morning before surgery he told me that he had awoken last night very scared and crying. Mr. Eagle heard him and got out of bed to come over and talk to him. He said that he had told him beautiful stories of birds and animals, and of hope, and dreams, and how to be brave. He had held my son’s hand and told him stories until he went back to sleep. This man can barely breathe they have his body so wrapped up, but he got out of bed to help my son while I slept.

When they came to get my son this morning for surgery, he was smiling. He wasn’t afraid anymore. The surgery went well, by the way, and the surgeon says my son will be just fine now.

When my son woke up again, after the anesthetic had worn off, he was still a little groggy but he started smiling. He said when they put him to sleep he had a really great dream about flying like an eagle.

I don’t know who this man is, but is a very special man. He doesn’t talk very much about himself but I think he hurts very much right now. That he would put aside that hurt and help my son means a great deal to me.

The nurses say that he is determined to be out of here today, but I don’t know. They are still very concerned about his condition. I have a feeling that with his determination and will, he will get his way.

I hope that this is appropriate, if not I suppose someone will delete my message to you. I do hope that the Eagle will fly again among the clouds someday as he told my son.

Thank you,

Sarah
"
I never mentioned the letter to them, I didn't want to embarass Sarah. After the next year I lost track of David and Sarah, I moved to Hawaii and they had moved somewhere back East.

I'm posting this letter in the hopes that they may see it and remember helping a man in need, and the bravery of a little ten year old boy.

Thank you David and Sarah.

DB

Just One More Day

2005-01-10T20:21:00.000-10:00

Hello Lord.. it's just me,
the old sinner DB.

It's been a while,
We haven't spoken much since I was a child.

You're busy and all and I knew you'd be,
but I do thank you for listening to me.

The world's changed a lot since I was a kid,
I guess I'm concerned about the way that it did.

We've got Hurricanes and Volcanoes,
and now the ground shakes a lot.

Something called a Tsunami hit last week,
and thousands of people were caught.

I know we're not much,
these other humans and I.

But I can't understand,
why so many must die.

So I think to myself,
if there is any choice.

That maybe you'll listen,
to one more little voice.

I don't ask for me,
you know what I've done.

But for everyone else,
let my voice be that one.

To pray you'll forgive them,
On this rock we call Earth.

As they struggle along,
from the time of their birth.

Teach them to love more,
and that they need to get smart.

Cause they need this last chance,
Before their world comes apart.

I didn't ask for much,
Since I was a kid.

I just figured they needed you,
more than I did.

I'm just an old sinner,
I've been willing to pay.

But I thank you dear Lord,
for just one more day.

DB

How Much Is Enough?

2005-01-08T01:16:00.000-10:00

A few years ago after a night of bowling with our families, a long time friend confided in me while our wives finished their conversations and began gathering up the children. As he sat there struggling with his head dropped down into his large scarred hands, I thought about Mac and what I had come to know about him for the past ten years or so.

Mac was a construction foreman who spent long hours at a back breaking job, and had done so for about the past 15 years building houses and office buildings in a three state area. His weekday began about 5:00AM every morning when he woke up, got himself ready for a long workday, and helped his 7 year old daughter get ready for school, giving his wife Kathy the extra sleep. Barely meeting on the way to their respective cars as Kathy headed for her own job as a school nurse at a local school, Mac then droped their daughter Missy off on the way to whatever job site he happened to be working that week. So it was day after day, week after week, as it had been for most of Missy's life, whether to a sitter or to school.

On the few nights when Mac was able to get home early enough, he always insisted on getting Missy her bath, helping with dinner, and reading Missy her bedtime story until one or both of them fell asleep.

Mac wasn't what I would think of as the "stereo typical" construction worker. After long days at work, and many weekends when Mac worked to help the crew catch up after weather slowdowns, Mac prefered to spend the nights and weekends off with his family rather than stopping by the local tavern with his friends. For ten years I had watched him show up at our regular couples late bowling night barely awake, tired and worn, but insisting on spending at least that committed time and recreation with Kathy.

To support the middle class lifestyle he and Kathy had built together Mac, as any other working person knows, had to sacrifice some time with his family. Very few jobs it seems are strictly 9 - 5.

"God I'm tired Doyle" he said "It seems like all I ever do is work". "I come home at night and try and help with Missy, I help Kathy with dinner when I can, and when I get a weekend off about all I have time for is to cut the grass, wash the car, and try and get the family to a movie" he went on "It just never seems to be enough for Kathy but my butt is draggin so low right now I don't know what to do". "I'm working my butt off to keep us going, but all I ever hear from Kathy is how little I do"

Not really suprised since my wife and I had both remarked about a change in Kathy over the past year or so "Maybe the two of you just need a vacation Mac, some time together just the two of you".

"I have been trying to get her to do that for about a year now" he responded slowly shaking his head "We just don't have the money with her dad being sick and Kathy flying down to Oklahoma once in a while to help her mom out".

About that time Missy came running up with a big smile to tell daddy about a new friend so we never really got to finish our conversation. I was concerned about them, but Mac was a hard man to catch and soon after they quit bowling. I didn't hear anything from Mac for a long time after that.

I've since thought a lot about Mac and Kathy, wondered about what happened to them, and also remembered a similar situation from my own youth growing up in Kansas City.

As boy of 11 or 12 years, my best friend Rob lived with his father and mother, Dave and Ann next door. Dave was a department Manager in a large department store, and Ann a grade school teacher. Mac reminded me a great deal of Dave.

Dave went through the same routine every day;

get up early
get Rob up and ready for school
drop Rob off
drive an hour to work
come home after sundown nearly every night

Ann bore some similarity to Kathy in that it never seemed she was happy with Dave. Without fail when Dave walked in the door Ann would be waiting with what Ann called Dave's "list". "After all" she claimed "Dave couldn't remember to do ANYTHING I tell him to do unless I give him a list". Her list was one she had compiled for him to do before he could hope to get to rest that night. Even at 12 years old I thought it was a little odd that a man who could run an entire department couldn't remember her list.

I remember feeling very sorry for Dave, the poor man never did get to rest. While Ann and Rob, amidst her proclamations of how slow her husband was, sat down to dinner, Dave was finishing up mowing the lawn, cleaning the gutters, weeding the lawn, whatever Ann had put on his list to finish up his day. Dave took it all in stride with never a complaint, always smiling at us as we played, joining in when he could, even taking us for ice cream in the summer when it fit into Ann's schedule.

Years later I went into the Army, and while I was overseas my mother sent me a letter that Dave had died suddenly of a stroke. Saddened for both my friend and his good natured father I tried to locate Rob when I returned to the States but was never able to.

At Christmas a couple of years later I mentioned Rob to my mother wondering if she had ever seen either he or his mother since. I was a little shocked to see a look on my mothers face I had only seen a few times in my life. My mother rarely ever had a bad word about anyone, but this was more than she could take apparently. "I was sitting in a restaurant a couple of months ago and I heard a familiar voice behind me" she said "and it was Ann. She was talking at the top of her voice about just how useless men are and how Dave just had no right at all to leave her". My mother, by the way, was raised very religiously in south central Texas, and really did believe in live and let live. All those years she had never said a word.

"I just couldn't stand it" she continued "I had lost my appetite anyway so I got up and walked over to Ann".

"Ann, I said, if you hadn't seen fit to work that poor man to death with all of your stupid lists and your constant complaining, maybe he'd still be around to listen to you whine. Now you only have yourself, and now you have to live with it!"

Trying to hide the humor I felt at the picture of my mom actually telling somebody off I gave her a big hug and said "WAY TO GO MOM!!". Of course mom blushed and pushed me away, quickly changing the subject.

I've thought about Mac and Dave over the years. Mac finally self destructed first with alchohol then with drugs. He ended up losing his family and his business.

So how much is enough? Do we drive those we love to give and give until they drop?

A message for the men and women out there, maybe a little insight into each other that sometimes it's too easy to forget.

A person who loves you will give their love, their health, even their lives to you if that will make you happy. Is that enough?

D Brooks

The Dreaded "M" Words

2005-01-07T15:55:00.000-10:00

Wow, the dreaded "M" words... Mid Life Crisis and Menopause. Pretty deep subjects but well worth consideration. Getting older and having those particular subjects to look forwards to along with the uncertainty of our future pretty much bites big time.

I can give you some insight from the Male Perspective having been there myself and maybe a little about the female just from my several decades of observation. I'm not going to get into the biological reasons too much since everyone knows that hormonal changes (reduction of certain hormones in most cases) have in some cases a pretty drastic effect on our bodies as we get older. Since there is some pretty good medication available now that doesn't necessarily need to be a problem.

What we all have in common as we approach between 40 and 50 is the realization that we are NOT in reality immortal. No, I'm not talking religion here, I mean to say that when we're young we all think we're indestructable and will live forever. Then one day we wake up and it occurs to us that OMG... I'm over 40!! Intellectually we know that our lifespan is probably about half over. What the heck have we done with our lives? Where did it all go? Do we have time enough before our day is done to make up for wasting the first half, or have enough time left to build on what has been a pretty darned good first half until we can relax and just slide through the rest?

Understand that everyone has basically the same questions so don't feel like you're alone in this.

I'm going to give you my observations of the female reactions to aging first since you are probably more interested in that anyway.

Most of the women I've known approaching Mid Life have actually reacted pretty well. After all and at the risk of getting flamed by the other guys, most women have thought it through pretty carefully and made preparations. They have either made a successful career for themselves or have helped guide the other half of the species who thinks with their balls into making a success of themselves. Thus leaving the remainder of their lives to run on automatic based on previously laid plans.

Ahhh... but then there are the horror stories about lives gone wrong. Hubby left for a younger woman, got sick and couldn't support the family, or any number of other rotten scenerios. It used to be so, but nowadays one of the most rotten happens to be that women who have worked right along side men in the workplace have also suffered the same lack of jobs and layoffs. Certainly doesn't help to plan for a bright future when some employer yanks the rug right out from under you. Women today are now getting the educations and the experience to have a worthwhile and rewarding career only to have to work in dead end jobs because the opportunities just arent there.

What about those women who simply decide one day that somewhere along the way they made the wrong choices? It does happen more often today than in the past if for no other reason than today women have realized that they have choices. They really don't have to stay with a useless man in a no where relationship. The stigma of Divorce placed on society a hundred years ago is now nothing compared to the need for a woman and/or her children to survive. Any man who isn't providing for that need is living on the Bubble.

Marriage today in reality has only about a 50-50 chance of succeeding. The odds get worse exponentially in each succeeding marriage. In my opinion, any woman who puts all her eggs (figuratively speaking) in that basket could be setting herself up for failure in the grand scheme of things. This is not to say that I don't believe in love, marriage, family, etc.. I believe in all of these very much. I believe more in both men and women taking the responsibility for their own survival. In other words, expect the best but be prepared for the worst.

What about men in all this mess and uncertainty? A few have actually been smart enough, or lucky enough to have found that very special angel (read woman) who have helped them stumble through their lives and guided (and/or encouraged) them into making a success of themselves. Some have channeled their efforts strictly towards a career to the exclusion of their relationships only to wonder as they get older just who they will share their remaining retirement years with if anyone (becoming a more prevailant with career women as well).

Ahhh... and the male horror stories? Wife left for a younger man, wife left because she wasn't fullfilled, got laid off after 30 years and flipping burgers just to make ends meet, etc.. How about guy left a 15 year marriage because the grass was greener and the younger chick had bigger and perkier breasts? I'll be the first to admit that guys aren't too bright sometimes.

It's my belief, and please correct me if I'm wrong, that the biological changes in men is much less then those changes in women as we age. The reasons for many mens sudden and/or drastic changes in their actions and behaviors therefore becomes more psychological then physical.

Most men having reached the age of fifty have already spent at least 25 years working their rear off to establish themselves in the workforce. Something around 75% of those have probably done so to support their families. What happens when they wake up one morning and realize that they probably only have about another 25 years left?

The ones lucky enough to have an angel in their corner are looking forwards to spending another 25 years with her, but still maybe a little sad that he can't realistically expect to be able to spend another 50 with her. A period of depression may set in until the day he resolves to cram every bit of the 50 years of happiness for her into the next 25. At that point she'll probably see a change in him, a more carefree attitude, and more willingness to spend a little less time at work and more time having fun with her.

How many times have we heard about guys who around 50 all of a sudden get hair plugs, run out and buy a sports car, and start chasing 20 year old women? Men have more choices now too, after all. Behind the eyes of that 50 year old with a receeding hairline who has worked his rear off most of his life, there is still that teenage boy who couldn't afford a sports car and just didn't have the time or the money to chase all those pretty girls he knew at the time he wasn't worthy of. Maybe the woman he married all those years ago, although beautiful at the time, simply let herself go. Maybe the responsibility of supporting a family for all these years has simply become too much to bear and he just figures that the time has come for him to live for himself. Who knows, but rest assured that his reactions will not go unnoticed and most will have a profound affect on those around him.

Personally, I never had time for a Mid Life Crisis. I've been pretty fortunate in that I've been able to take and accept life as it's come to me. I've had some pretty wonderful women in my life and some that were not so wonderful. All in all I think I've come to terms with it. My personal answer to aging is that, since I really don't have a choice in the matter anyway, I try and make the best I can of it. My past mistakes are just that... mistakes. I can't go back and change them so the only direction I can look is forwards.

To those of you who are worried and/or concerned about getting older my best advice is this:

Make the most out of your lives NOW. Don't wait until tomorrow to start planning for your future and whatever that may bring. Learn from your mistakes but don't dwell on them... use them to help you guide your future.

Finally, love each other and bring a better understanding into any relationship you may be in or be lucky enough to have in the future. With understanding each other and yourself will come success.

D Brooks

Serious as a Heart Attack

2005-01-07T15:40:00.000-10:00

A famous soap star, having recently been written out of his latest soap with a deathbed scene, is spending his time relaxing in his easy chair listening to his favorite music. He and his wife have plans later in the evening to attend the Daytime Soap Awards, for which he has been nominated.

When a tap on his shoulder interupts his relaxation, he opens his eyes, removes his headphones and is faced with his wife of 15 years.

"Honey", she says, "Do I look too fat in this dress?"

Nothing in life can adequately prepare a man for this question from the woman he loves. Nothing can prepare him to honestly answer this question from a 40 year old woman two sizes too big wearing a sheath dress two sizes too small.

Within an instant all the alternatives rush through his head. His eyes flit nervously between the door, the ceiling, and the unavoidable picture of his wifes huge rear stuffed into a balloon about to burst. He prays that one of the children will rush in and interrupt, the sky will fall, maybe even the house will catch on fire and save him.

Rejecting all the other alternatives he does what any sane actor would do under the circumstances recalling his recent soap performance... He clutches his chest frantically, tries and fails to stand, and collapses on the floor writhing in pain.

A week or so later, having spent a couple of days in the hospital under observation, our actor has returned home once again. The diagnosis was of course that the "minor" heart attack had caused no permanent visible damage.

Casually walking into the family room he discovers his wife watching his demise scene from the soap. Before he can beat a very hasty retreat, his wife catches him and comments with a raised eyebrow,"Gee Honey, it's too bad you didn't have your heart attack before this scene... maybe you could have won an Oscar with that performance".

Sometimes you just can't win but only delay the inevitable. Exit stage left.

D Brooks

Exiled at 50

2005-01-04T19:36:00.000-10:00

Exiled at 50? While searching the net recently on an unrelated subject I came across a forum for job searchers over 50 that really bothered me.

Some of the posts were of course older folks looking for jobs and looking for help, but some were just jerks who apparently thought that everyone should have been born with a silver spoon up their ass and magically have the world at their feet when they turned fifty. Not only an unrealistic view of life, but also pretty unkind to people who have worked their butts off all their lives only to have the rug pulled out from under them for one reason or another.

Here are some facts that may bother some of you, or if not then at least give you a little food for thought:

In the generation following WWII the average worker could expect to work his/her entire career (20 years or more) for the same company. Thus earning their pension and or gold watch when they reached retirement age.
Workers in the generation following WWII (so called baby-boomers) have been increasingly subject to fewer and fewer years of "projected" service with the same company.
The current projected turnover for any given job position in general is about five years. This means that anyone who starts a job today better start thinking about their next position and or company within five years because chances are they will lose their current position.

Under the above circumstances how will anyone who is hired in today's market or within the past few years "earn" any kind of pension or retirement?

To anyone keeping track of the job market in the past 20 years or so all this information is old news. The solution for protecting ourselves and reaching retirement age with a "nest egg" is to not depend on a company pension but rather savings, money markets, stocks, retirement plans, etc. Save money when you can, and keep job-hopping every five years or so in front of any layoffs until you reach retirement age. Don"t fool yourself; this also includes doctors, lawyers, nurses, etc. Unless they're independent they are also subject to downsizing. Legal firms and hospitals both go under daily.

Sounds like a good plan but for a few bugs.

There is a little thing called job stability that employers look for in a prospective employee.

There are a finite number of positions available in any given profession.

What about "reputable" companies who are on top of the world one day and lay off half their employees the next without warning? How long will it take thousands of employees suddenly dumped on the job market to again find work competing not only against each other but also against those already looking for work?

Let's look for a minute at a hypothetical example of a guy I'll call Joe Senior since Joe is over fifty:

Joe has a modest home in the burbs for which he pays a mortgage of $1,000 per month.

Joe has a wife and 2.2 kids (we'll round it up to three for Joe). Since kids like to eat, we'll give Joe $700 a month for food for his family and another $150 so he can put clothes on them.

Joe's current company pays Joes medical, but not the family, so we'll say another $300 for insurance so his kids can get their teeth cleaned.

Joes oldest is just about to enter college so lets give Joe another $300 a month to cover the kids school and hope that Joe can get grants for the rest.

To help Joe pay his utilities, phone, etc, we'll add in another $300 per month.
Joe and his wife both drive used cars they somehow managed to pay for, but they still need car insurance so we'll give them a low $150 a month for that.

Joe's wife would like to work and has taken the time to attend some college courses, but after years of raising a family and getting ready to turn fifty, herself (no experience), her prospects for finding work are probably not very good.

So, with no frills Joe's take home pay needs to be about $2900 a month or a gross of about $34,800 per year just to make ends meet. No savings, no stocks and bonds, nothing held back for emergencies. Joe is just trying to "live within his means". For Joe to do this, since Uncle Sam is going to take his approximately 25%, Joe will need to be paid about $43,500.

Not bad you say? Consider that the average mean salary in the United States is about $50,000 per year. Joe is therefore making a modest salary and living modestly. Go back to school you say so he can make more money? Joe is fifty. Where will Joe get the money or the time to dedicate to a degree? How many "degreed" professionals are there in the job market currently?

Ok, so Joe is doing his best to make ends meet and feed his family.

When Joe arrives at work he receives a notice along with others in his department that there will be a meeting just before quitting time. Yep, you guessed it. Joe and his department have just been downsized due to "corporate restructuring".

No big deal right? Joe is a hard worker, he has skills and experience, and of course the company has generously paid him a severance package of a months pay. On top of that, Joe will collect unemployment amounting to about $1500 a month until he can find another position& as long as it doesn't take him more than a year to find that is. The average time for a person over fifty to find another position is about 18 months.

Remember that Joe's bills are about $2900 per month? Let's see, do we not feed the kids, not send the oldest to school, sell the house? What choices would YOU make?
Joe gradually built up his lifestyle to what it is today. He didn't buy a house 30 years ago because he obviously couldn't afford it then. As his family and his salary increased, he was able to move into a better house a few years ago. Not much equity there in other words.

Jump forwards six months now.

Joe has been on several interviews but the feedback has been that he's "overqualified". Joe wants and needs to work but the only positions that may have been available paid even less than unemployment, and unemployment itself won't even pay his bills.

Joe has had to sell one of his cars to help with expenses and cut down on insurance. His house is on the market for much less than it's worth, but he held onto it hoping he would find work in time. The bank is threatening foreclosure because he's late on payments. He has no idea where moving expenses will come from, or where they will be able to afford to move to.

Eventually Joe will end up filing bankruptcy and moving in with family because there are just no positions available which will pay enough to end the downwards spiral of Joe's finances.

Like most employees out there, Joe has been a good spouse, a good parent, a good provider, and a good employee all his life. To those of you out there who are tsk tsking because Joe "failed to plan" better, remember that Joe spent his time supporting his family the best he could. He was building equity in a house as an investment to help provide for the future, but that future was jerked out from under him before its time. Any savings or investment went right out the window and was eaten up by bills he simply could not pay because he couldn't find a job to help him support his family. Now Joe has lost everything and probably will never recover but will work until the day he dies just to survive.

A pretty grim story? Maybe. Unrealistic or exaggerated? Not at all. It happens every day to the family down the street in nearly every major city in the United States.

To all the sanctimonious jerks out there heading for the golf course right now because you were lucky enough to have avoided the above scenario but still want to kick others who weren't quite so lucky, you might want to remember that your own children and grandchildren may not be so lucky. The same situation was and could have been yours had you had the bad luck to have invested your retirement savings in Enron, or planned on getting a pension from one of the huge corporations who have laid off thousands of people in recent years.